You don't have asthma, your pregnant
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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