Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
