so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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