Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
