I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
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the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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