break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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