I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
