YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
