A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
