Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just want nice things and good sex
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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