just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
