youre lurking in front of me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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