just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
