I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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