to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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