So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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