everyone is single if you try hard enough
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
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He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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