She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
