Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
