Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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