hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize