tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
