i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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