she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
