I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
