After last night, I could never be a politician.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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