Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
