i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
