No stitches, just platelets and will power
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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