So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
