They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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