he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
