Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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