So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
