allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
