operation harelip BJ is a go
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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