is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
