i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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