YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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