I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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