i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Randomize
