What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
