seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
