am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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