I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize