quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
