I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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