I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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