tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
