Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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