I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
