I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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