He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
