I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
