I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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