I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
