There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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