Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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