So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
