Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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