just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
