i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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