I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
