Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
