I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
