And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
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he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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