I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
