does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
