you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
